


The Night Vale Effect

by zeitgeistofnow



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 'john is a radio host in a very strange town', F/F, M/M, Multi, Welcome to Nightvale AU, i guess, idk - Freeform, you could just read this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9929942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeitgeistofnow/pseuds/zeitgeistofnow
Summary: i'm sorry for the complete lack of fluff in this... :/





	1. Chapter 1

  
“Welcome… to Night Vale.” John leaned forward, lowering his voice. “Today, listeners, something very interesting happened. My intern at the station, John Jay, is telling me about a- a scientist that is standing in front of our own city hall. He is telling me this through a series of obscure hand gestures, and slight head tipping. Thank you, Jay.”

Jay, in the sound booth, gave John a thumbs up and coughed. 

“Jay, can you go learn about this scientist? It isn’t every day that we have someone skilled in scientific fields in our small town. I haven’t seen one in…” John hummed. “Maybe 300, 400 years? Anyhow, it’s been a while.

“In other news, Charles Bellamy claims he has seen angels. He says that the angels came out of a bright green door and gave him a bouquet of violets, telling him to give them to-” John paused, looking over the page, “Oh, never mind, listeners. It says here that I shouldn't read this on air.” John paused. “Anyway, Bellamy says that if you would like to meet the angels, you should please come to his house. Especially you, Theodosia.” John raised an eyebrow. “Anyway…

“Jay is back, holding a polaroid picture and a green sticky note. Yes, Jay?” 

Jay, breathless, dropped the two items on John’s desk. John frowned. “The note says, ‘picture of Alex The Scientist.” John tapped the desk, staring at the microphone. He always felt like you were maintaining eye contact with his listeners when he stared at the mic. It wasn’t true, but the habit held fast. “This scientist...he must be the one that was in front of city hall…” John mused. 

Jay, back in the sound booth, rolled his eyes. ‘ _Duh,_ ’ he mouthed.

“The picture…” John picked it up slowly, scrambling- he was still staring at the mic. He glanced at the picture. “The man has-” he gasped- “he has perfect hair and is wearing a long white shirt thing. What are those called?” he waved his hands. “A… a lab coat.” John stared at the picture. “Wow.”

Jay rolled his eyes again. John failed to notice. “I must meet this person.” John declared. “I hate to leave you, listeners, as I feel like it is part of my duty to never abandon my listeners, and you how much weight I put on duty- but I must go meet this scientist. So, listeners, I give you, The Weather.”

John put in the CD- it was a musical about our first secretary of the treasury, Cecil Palmer. John liked it. He pressed play and ran out of the studio, slinging his jacket over his shoulder. “I should be back by the time the weather is over!” He called over his shoulder at Jay, who gave him a thumbs up. 

John raced down the street- he had to get there and back by the time the weather was over, which wasn’t that long.  
“Girls, that’s John. He announces for the community radio.” Martha, the scout's leader, said. (They had combined girl and boy scouts a few years ago, during city council's 'gender equality days'.) She and a few girl were standing at an ice cream shop. One of them was ordering. Martha waved at John. “Are you free for dinner?”

One of the kids, Philip, snickered, looking up from the book he was reading.

John shrugged. “I think I’m busy. Thanks for the offer, though!”

Martha looked dejected. “Whatever. See you later?”

“Totally! Bye!” John waved over his shoulder and resumed running as fast as he could.

“John!” Bellamy, peeking his blonde head out the door, grinned. “Come in? Me an’ the angels are making tea.”

John winced. “I’d love to, but I’ve gotta meet the scientist and get back to the station before the weather is over, so…” he shrugged. “Maybe later?”

“Sure. You still up for bowling tonight?”

“Always. See ya.”

John arrived at the city hall sooner than he would have thought- It would have been faster is the city council would just let us install a subway, he thought annoyed. The scientist was still standing at the steps of the city hall, gesturing and talking smoothly about the ‘scientifically fascinating community’ Night Vale was.  And god, he was prettier in real life.

The scientist, looking at the invisible watch tower- or the sun, John mused- seemed to realize the time. “Dammit.” The scientist looked apologetic. “Sorry for keeping you all so long, I should be getting back to my team of scientists- we’re working on our scribbling speeds.” He quipped, smiled sheepishly and, looking down at the clipboard he was holding, begun to write.

The crowd murmured appreciatively and began to disperse. John ran up to the scientist- Alex, he thought the note had said- and grinned, panting. “Hey- Jesus-I-should-exercise-more- I’m John, I work on the radio, as an announcer?”

“Hello, John,” Alex sounded bemused, even as he failed to look up, “I’m Alex.”

“That’s nice… so, I’ve got to get back to my job soon, but I was wondering if you’d like to go out for coffee tomorrow?”

Alex scribbled something down, frowning. “I’m sorry, I can’t… I’m, um, doing something.” he nodded. "Something with beakers, long-winded written explanations, and dangerous chemicals."

Well, that sounded like a rejection. John sighed. “Okay, then, thank you.”

Alex smiled, looking up at John. “Nice to meet you.” He stared for a second, and John was pretty sure he heard his breath hitch. John ignored it. “Anyway, I’m sure I’ll ask you to broadcast important scientific information over the air sometimes, we’ll probably talk a lot. I’ll see you later?”

John nodded, sighing. “Yes, I’m sure,” he said, turning to dash back to the station. 

When he arrived, the weather was just ending- which was weird, because John was pretty sure he had been gone for more than three minutes. Well, time is weird. 

John slid calmly into his seat and tapped the desk. “Welcome back, listeners. Wow, that weather…” he shook his head. “Better bring your standardized copy of the declaration of independence next time you go out!” he grinned. 

“As you know, over the weather, I went down to our town hall, to meet this…” he narrowed his eyes, “...Scientist. At least, that’s what he claims to be. But truly, listeners, aren’t we all scientists at some point? Anyway, this scientist has, as I have before said, perfect hair, and a smile like a military cemetery. I took one look at him and fell in love instantly.” John sighed dramatically, then glanced at the paper on his desk.  

"Anyway, in other news, there is a new dog park in the middle of the city. The city council reminds you not to go near the dog park. Do not think about the dog park." John smiled and leaned toward the mic, "And listeners, don't forget about the hooded figures."


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Good citizens of Night Vale, welcome.” John grinned, holding his mic up to his mouth and leaning back in his chair- he was quite sure doing that made sounds through the mic, which was unprofessional, to say the least, but John didn’t really care. Station management, though… they cared. John leaned forward again and put the mic back on the table. “Welcome, not to some other town, but to your hometown, or for a certain scientist, your chosen home for however long you may be staying here. Here, you will likely find your friends, your houses, maybe even your true love.” John shrugged. “But who am I to say anything? I’m just a radio announcer, and age does not make someone wise. Doing things does, and I cannot say that I have done much. I’m just too busy narrating for you.” John paused. “Anyway, I’m now accepting call in questions! Ask anything about anything, from our town, to things about me, to the definition of the word ‘paleolithic’. I have a dictionary pulled up on my phone.” as an afterthought, he added, “But please, nothing about the dog park. I prefer to stay on the… legal side of things.”

John sat back for a moment, half expecting no one to call, but he was wrong. A few seconds later, he picked up the phone to a familiar, if despised, voice.

“John, man, hi!”

_“Charles Lee.”_ John seethed. 

John had yet to figure out if Lee actually was so naive to think that John liked him, or if he was just preppy to annoy John. 

“John Laurens! How’s your job coming?”

“Lee, you’ve asked me that same exact question every single time we’ve met the past two years. I have told you. It is fine. Thank you for calling in, Lee.” 

“Well, it’s been nice talking to you too, John.”

“Goodbye.” 

John slammed down the phone.”That, listeners, was my brother-in-law, Charles Lee.” John explained. “And, while I love my sister, Mary, very much, as with my niece, Frances, I can not condone their taste in fathers and husbands.” John looked expectantly at the phone. “Now, our next caller…” he picked up the receiver, hearing two voices arguing with each other. “Hello?” John asked tentatively. He had never heard either voice, which was rare in a town like Night Vale.

The voices stopped arguing abruptly, and there was a shuffling sound. “Hi!” One voice drawled. The voice had an obvious southern accent. “Are you by chance Mister Laurens?” 

“Yes…”

“Do you like Big Rico’s pizza?”

“I do, and- one second-” he told the phone, “-on that subject. To the family and friends of John Jay, I am sorry to say that he was severely poisoned at Big Rico’s. He will be missed. I would like to, at some point today, introduce our new intern, Angelica Church.” he looked at the phone. “Yes, I do like Big Rico’s pizza. Thank you for calling, and goodbye.”

_“Wait!”_ Southern guy sounded panicked. “I have another question!”

“Sorry, there is a strict policy of one question per person,” John said slowly. “Unless you have another person, you’re out of luck.”

“I do have another person!” Southern guy said, relieved. “Maddie, you ask him.”

Another man with a deeper voice-Maddie, John presumed- said, “Our colleague, Alex, was wondering if you’d like to go out to pizza with him some time?”

John paused, slightly stunned. Alex? Wanted to see him? 

There was a yelp from the background, and someone grabbed the phone. “Sorry about that.” said a familiar voice. Alex. “That was the other scientists that came with me- they like prank calling people, and using jokes that are no way rooted in reality.” The last few words were said away from the phone. “Anyway, thank you for taking the call, and I’m very sorry to have wasted your time.”

“No problem,” John said, sighing. He definitely had a problem. A problem named Alexander. “Bye.”

John bit his lip and put down the phone. “I- I think that’s all the calls I’ll be taking today. Thank you to everyone that called in, and, as always, goodnight, Night Vale.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Happy Thanksgiving, Night Vale! Soon will be the time when we straggle tiredly toward the brownstone spire to beg for mercy, but before that, we gather in our family groups and eat as much as we can. As much as I love seeing my sister and her daughter, having family over involves one thing I do not like. One thing I do not like… at all. Because, sadly, seeing my sister and niece comes with seeing another member of the family. The member is Charles Lee.” John shuddered. “Such a despicable beast.

“In other news, we have word from Maria from Dark Owl records that old oak doors have been popping up around the store. She says that they are old, and oak, and have bad taste in music. I cannot confirm any of this, but she says that the doors seem to like Mozart and Green Day.” John paused. “I know that I am supposed to remain detached, but I, personally, like Green Day.”  

“On another subject, I give you Traffic.

“A bird’s eye view reveals colors not seen by humans. The bird can see multicolored cars drive past and the river splashing on the side of route five. It sees the crash on the corner of 6th and Lakewood, then it flies away to the ocean, where it will mate, live, and die.

“This has been traffic.”

John sighed. “Listeners, I’ve been studying people for a bonus class I’m taking at the college, and there’s one thing I can’t quite understand. What even is happiness? If you have an answer, please call in and tell me. In the meantime, I give you a prerecorded message from our sponsor.”

John pressed play and sat back. What does make people happy? He’s happy- at least he thinks he is. He’s not completely sure. He’s not unhappy- he’s been unhappy, and it’s not like this. John hopes his listeners will be able to help. 

The ad ended with a beep, and John leaned forward. “Listeners? Anything about happiness?” he looked at the phone. “Nothing yet, I guess.  Please, call in if you know!”

“Update on the house that does not exist. Do you remember the one? It’s in the old town housing development and does not exist. It looks like it exists, and is between two identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to exist than not, but it does not exist. Alex and his group of scientists have done many experiments, and the conclusion of every single one was that simply does not exist. The update is that they say that all of the doors in the house, and three of the windows, have been replaced with old oak doors of the same style as the ones at Dark Owl records. They say that they can go through the doors, but they lock from the side in Night Vale automatically, so there needs to be someone on the other side to let them back in. This probably won’t affect the rest of my life.” John snorted and checked the phone again. “Listeners, we have a voicemail from… King George the third?”

John pressed play tentatively. A loud, sing-songy voice came out of the speaker.

“Happiness is like… rain and ice cream and power.” the voice said. “Also, um…What did you say?” There was a pause and muffled talking. “Ah, yes.” The voice continued. “Public speaking.” There was a beep, and the message ended. 

“And, listeners, there is one -or two?- men’s explanation of what happiness is. I have an additional question for you, as well. How do you become happy? What makes people happy? Please, call in!”

The station phone rang loudly. John picked it up. “Yes? Do you have an explanation of what happiness is?”

There was brief silence, then Alex- Alex- said wryly, “Well, I don’t have much experience in the area, but I have been told that being in love makes people happy.”

“Not much experience in being in love, or being happy?”

“Either.”

John felt sorely tempted to use a bad pickup line, but he resisted. “Oh. Well, listeners, there you have it! Alex the Scientist’s opinion on happiness! Thanks for calling in!”

John hung up and grinned at the mic. “Alex called in! Alex!” He sighed happily. “You know, I think that made me happy, listeners. I think that Alex makes me happy. Any ideas why?”

The next person who called in had a slightly familiar southern accent and said, “Because you’re in love.” the hung up giggling, leaving John confused. 


	4. Chapter 4

“So, I heard you’ve been pondering happiness?” Mary asked, wiping her fingers on a napkin. 

“I have.” John took a bite of his turkey. It honked. “Are you sure this is how the turkey is supposed to sound?” He asked his niece, who laughed. 

“‘M not sure, uncle, but dad cooked it.” Frances suddenly looked very serious. “Turkey never sounds right. It always sounds like bloody revolution.”

Lee, across the table, frowned. “Fran? Turkey… takes like revolution?”

Frances grinned. “Well, yours does. It tastes like you had to fight the turkey just to get it in the oven.”

Mary rolled her eyes, smiling. “Frances, what do you think happiness is?”

Frances looked conflicted ” ‘M not sure, dad. I think it varies from person to person?” she waved at the cranberry sauce on the table. “Like, maybe the ranch dressing makes the cranberry sauce happy. But the cranberry sauces brother, the, um, the mashed potatoes, doesn’t like the ranch dressing. Different things make different people happy, It’s simple.” the girl shrugged. “And then the scientist- I mean, the, um…” she looked around the table, “The gravy. Then the gravy makes the mashed potatoes happy, but they don’t know each other well, so the cranberry sauce gets the gravy to go out to dinner with the mashed potatoes. The cranberry sauce does this through the ranch dressing’s brother, the french dressing.” Frances took a bite of her mashed potatoes, looking pleased with her metaphor.

John blinked. “You know, if you worked on your stutter, you’d be a great announcer.”

Mary sighed. “So, how would you feel about going on a date with the gravy?”

“Well, the gravy might not be too great… Maybe the person the gravy was signifying?”

“Sounds great. I’ll talk with Thomas.”

Lee sniffed. “Who made the mashed potatoes? They taste great.”

“I did, babe.” Mary grinned.

“You’re a great cook, honey.” Lee complimented her.

John made eye contact with his niece across the table and made a gagging motion. Mary noticed- she notices everything- and chided John. “You won’t act like that when you’re in love,” she said.

“Yes, but I’m not yet.”

“It won’t be like that for long,” Mary muttered.

Fran snorted.


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m glad you finally said you would go to dinner with me!” John enthused to Alex, putting a slight stress on the word ‘finally’. 

Alex shrugged. “This was not my idea. I was busy working. Night Vale is by far the most scientifically interesting town in America, if not the world. There’s a lot to study.”

“Mm.” John took a bite of his… he thinks it was ‘portabello mushroom pizza’? It tasted like pizza, but mushroomy. “This is good.” He said, gesturing to the plate.

Alex hastily agreed. “Yeah, it’s great. Compliments to the chef.”

John took another bite of the mushroom.

A waiter at a table a few feet away coughed. “The… the chef finds compliments distasteful. Please don’t give her compliments.”

Alex frowned. “I forgot about the Night Vale effect.” He muttered.

John paused mid-bite, curious. “The Night Vale effect?” he asked.

“Your mannerisms are different here,” Alex explained. “You have different food, you take offense at people complimenting you, angels exist?”

“Um, angels actually don’t-”

“And you deny their existence. In the…” Alex waved his hands, looking for a good explanation. “In the outside world, people deny the non-existence of angels. In New York, angels don’t exist.”

“They don’t exist here, either,” John interjected. 

Alex snorted. “Believe what you want. I’ve seen them.”

John bit his lip, looking around the room. Bellamy was sitting at a table on the other side of the room with two others, a- well, John wasn’t sure how to describe them, but definitely not an angle- and a man who was facing away from John. They were all talking animatedly and the not-angel's wings were fluttering loudly.

“Look over there,” John said to Alex, gesturing at Bellamy.

“Yes! See, there’s an angel.” Alex raised his eyebrow at John. “Deny it all you want.”

John rolled his eyes, the sighed. “Do people’s lives ever remind you of stories?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, just…” he shrugged. “Everyone’s life is a story, and there are millions of tiny dramas going on around the world every minute, of every hour, of every day, to different people. And every day, someone is getting a different happy ending, and I don’t know about any of it, except for the maybe twenty-five stories that I know, the twenty-five that I talk about on the radio, and then there are thousands, millions of people going through their stories, their lives, and I haven’t even heard of them.”

Alex looked morose. “Happy endings aren’t real, John,” he said coldly. “You have to know that if you’re going to get anywhere. Our lives aren’t stories. Your theory is, quite honestly, bunk.” He stood up. “Thank you for dinner,” he said, walking away. 

John stood up abruptly- he had put way too much effort - and money- into this date to have it end now. He ran after Alex, who was already out the door.

“Alex! Slow the fuck down! Geez.” he panted.

Alex was leaning against the brick wall of the restaurant, muttering angrily to himself.

“Dude! What’d I do?” John asked him.

Alex looked up, seemingly surprised about John’s presence. “You followed me,” he stated mildly.

“Well, duh. Most people do that when their dates fucking race out of the restaurant.” 

“The last few people I went on a date with didn’t,” Alex said.

“That’s strange.”

“Night Vale effect.” Alex murmured.

“Hey, so I’m sorry about whatever I said in there. I just like to imagine people’s lives as stories because, well, it makes more sense to report on them, and it gives a sense of meaning to life, I guess.” 

“It’s fine. That- that I have no problem with. I may not think it’s like that, but I don’t have a problem.” Alex shrugged. “Happy endings, though… I haven’t met a single person with one.”

“We’ll have to be the first, then.” John declared. “You wanna go back inside?” he asked, extending his hand.

“Sure.” Alex took John’s hand, pulling himself up. “Let’s go,” he said, winking.


	6. Chapter 6

A month later, Alex stomped into the station and slammed a stack of papers on John’s desk.

John widened his eyes and brought a finger to his lips. “Um, listeners, let’s go the weather.” he said, pressing play and looking back at Alex. “What’s wrong, babe?”

Alex snarled. “John Adams, that’s what. The infernal beast. He doesn’t even show up half the time and then when he does he feels like it’s a good idea to insult-”

John rested a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Hey, calm down. What happened?”

“Adams happened, John.”  Alex had a distinctly murderous tone to his voice. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Don’t go killing anyone. What did, um, John Adams do?”

“Well, first, he never shows up to these things anyway, except when I’m showing something that I came up with, and then he has something that’s almost the exact same thing. But then his doesn’t work. And then, because his doesn’t work, they assume that mine won’t either. And then he has the nerve to suggest that it was the ‘sand in Night Vale’ that’s messing up his machine. Well, as said before, mine is essentially the same thing, and mine works fine. And then the-”

The Weather ended. John winced. “Hey, Alex, can you, um pause talking?”

Alex didn’t seem to hear him- he continued ranting. John was fully aware that it was broadcasting. Station management would not be happy. “And then he just goes and says-”

“ _ Alex _ .” John hissed.

“ ‘Oh, of course, mine works and yours doesn’t’ which doesn’t even make sense because his didn’t? And then-”

“Alex!” 

“He just goes and-”

“ _ Alex, shut up! _ ” John shouted.

Alex froze. “Wh-what?”

“ _ Just shut up for one freaking moment.  _ You never stop talking, do you? I was telling you that I needed you to be quiet, but no, you just have to talk about this guy I don’t even know. You never listen to me, Alex. You’re just always talking. 

“You’re not even that great at talking. None of what you say is comprehensible. You’re warbling about science to me, and I don’t have a clue what you’re saying, because, guess what? Not everyone knows as much as you do. Not everyone knows the difference between a quart and cobalt. Not everyone knows the atomic number of Einsteinium. Not everyone cares.”

Alex held up a finger, looking distracted. “The atomic number of Einsteinium is-”

“JUST SHUT UP, ALEXANDER.”

Alex froze, looking- John wasn’t sure how to describe it. He looked like he thought he was mortally wounded, but- but he was fine, wasn’t he?

Alex stood up slowly and turned around. “Thank you for the past month, John.” he choked. “It’s been great,” he said and walked out of the building.

John stood up, knocking his desk chair back. 

“Shit, Alex,” he mumbled, then glanced at the microphone. “I have to stay,” he said to himself. “I’ll find Alex later.”

John cast one last glance at the door, then sat back down. “In other news, listeners, there’s a car crash on route 640, so stay away from there- the sheriff's secret police are working on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the complete lack of fluff in this... :/


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as his shift was over- John finished with “Tune in next for the undeniable urge to tell someone you love them, and goodnight, Night Vale.”- John raced out the door, skidding when he realized he had no way to get anywhere. Alex usually drove him home, but Alex… John looked around for confirmation, and he found it. Alex was not there. He wasn’t leaning against the street sign, jabbering to someone on the phone, or sitting in his car, tapping the steering wheel to the beat of whatever song he was listening. He wasn’t hiding behind the door, ready to surprise John- John checked, feeling slightly like an idiot.

John realized, with growing worry, that he didn’t actually know where Alex was. John had assumed that he would just come back- they had never argued before, but Mary and Lee had, and Mary had told John about it, tiredly, over a bottle of champagne one night.

John takes out his phone- the cover is purple and says ‘On Air’ in neon letters that glow in the dark. Martha had bought it for him a while ago. John suspected it was meant to be romantic, but he had done his best to ignore that. He dials Alex’s name. He knows that he can just press ‘call’ on Alex’s contact, but there’s something soothing about typing out Alex’s number, and the ‘click’ that his phone emits after each letter. 

He always types out Alex’s number.

He presses call and listens to the ringing. He can almost hear Alex picking up the phone and saying, “ _ You know you can just text, babe, _ ” John smiles at the thought.

Alex doesn’t pick up.

John calls Alex again, then hangs up, leaning against the station door. It’s fine. He tells himself. People don’t always pick up, and that’s fine. 

A woman- John doesn’t know her very well- he thinks he interviewed her once for the show- Mary? Maria?- but anyway, she stops by him, and says, “Alex is down by the house that doesn’t exist,” she looks like she pities him. John’s not sure why. “I can take you there,” she says.

John nods. Always take rides from strangers, his mother always told him. “Yeah, sure. Where’s your car?”

“Over there.” the girl points down the street.

“Thank you.”

\-------

When John gets to the door to the desert otherworld, Alex isn’t there. Alex isn’t there. John is reminded for a short second of ‘where’s waldo’, the children's game where you have to find the victim before he’s killed. 

John had never liked that game, and he suspected it would have a negative connection for him now. 

Alex isn’t at the door of the house that doesn't exist. The house in the old town housing development, the one that looks like it exists, and is in between two identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to exist that not, but does not exist. The one that Alex and his scientists investigated a while ago, and found that it did not exist. The one where if you close the doors, the lock from the outside. The ones-

John realizes that he’s talking to himself. He pauses for a moment, then resumes. Talking is one of those things that he does on autopilot- it calms him, he guesses, but that sounds like something a therapist would say, and John isn’t a therapist. He’s a radio host for a town called Night Vale.

Alex isn’t at the house, but there’s a note in front of one of the old oak doors- John thinks back, slightly bemused, to when he said that the doors wouldn’t affect his life- there’s a note in front of the doors. It’s in an envelope and says on the front ‘My dear Laurens’.

_ Alex _ .

John grabs the letter and turns around- Maria had drawn back into the shadows at some point, and her car is gone. John worries for a moment about how he’s going to get home, but his attention is drawn back to the letter. John sits on the porch swing and tears open the letter.

_ My Dearest Laurens, _ It begins. John is stung for a moment- Alex never calls him Laurens, it’s always John, or babe, or a different pet name, but never Laurens. John remembers, though, that Alex is probably angry. He keeps reading.

_ My Dearest Laurens,  _

_ You have now noticed that I was not at the station. I was not outside leaning against a street sign, or tapping my fingers against the steering wheel, or hiding behind the door with flowers. _

_ I’m not waiting for you at home- (not that I would ever do that, John. I know you need me to get you home.) _

_ Soon after noticing, you had seen a woman walking by. Her name was Maria. She told you that I was here, and offered you a ride. You had said yes. (Night Vale effect.) _

_ You then noticed that I was not here, either, but there was a note in front of the door. You are now reading this note. _

_ You have to know, John, that this was not planned out. I did not plan to leave you- though it may seem like that from the planning that seemed to have gone into this. In truth, I threw this together right after you yelled at me-  _ John winced, but kept reading-  _ It’s fine, John, I’m fine. Right after you yelled at me, I ran out and Maria was the first person I saw. I told her what to do- she agreed, bless her heart- and I left.  _

_ I am in the desert otherworld. Now, I know what you’re thinking ‘Alex, that’s a terrible idea. Why?’, and I have an answer prepared.  _

_ Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew that if I stayed at the station, I was going to yell back at you, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t want to hurt you, John. _

_ So, I went to the one place that you weren’t. I went to the desert otherworld. _

_ I’m sorry, John, but I have to think. _

_ -Alex _

John stared at the paper, then at the door.  _ Alex… Gods, you idiot. _

John’s phone pinged- a sign that Alex was texting him. No one else texted him. John and Alex’s text messages were one-sided because John always called. He liked hearing Alex’s voice.

_ Okay, John. I’m fine now. I’m coming back. _

John smiled.

His phone pinged again. 

_ John, I have made a terrible mistake. _

John frowned.

_ John, I can’t get out.  _

_ John. _

_ John, I’m trapped. _

_ John, I’m stuck in here. _

_ John, the door won’t open. _

_ John, the door is disappearing. _

_ John. John. John. _

_ John. _


	8. Chapter 8

John called Alex right away- he doesn’t text, and he needed to hear Alex’s voice. Alex picked up after five rings- John counted- and said, “John.”

John sighed, letting go of a breath he hadn’t quite noticed he was holding. “ _ Alex _ .”

“So, how are you?” Alex asked slowly.

“Alex.”

“What?”

“Are you okay?” John started pacing on the porch. “Will you be able to survive in there? You have food, right? You should be able to find people- Bellamy said that some of the angel- I mean, winged beings that aren’t angels at all-” John heard Alex sigh, “- anyway, Bellamy says that there are some people there, living in a community. He called them ‘french’. You should find them, they’re on a mountain. Don’t mind the fact that mountains don’t exist- the Night Vale effect doesn't apply there. Find some water, and the angels, and have them send me a letter. You should-”

Alex cleared his throat. “Dying phone.”

John nodded to himself. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alex said quickly and hung up.

John shoved the phone in his pocket and closed his eyes.  _ The colossal idiot.  _

 

“On other news, Bellamy has reported seeing his- his winged beings that aren’t anything remotely heavenly- jumping between here and the desert otherworld. He says he thinks they’re delivering letters.” John chuckled nervously. “Of course, listeners, that’s ridiculous. Who would someone be writing to from the desert otherworld? Not to mention that correspondence with anyone from another dimension is  _ extremely illegal _ .”

Eliza, in the sound booth, giggled.  _ ‘Who indeed’ _ she mouthed.

John frowned playfully at her. “Of course, it’s not like anyone in the station might have any personal attachments to someone currently residing in the desert otherworld. How  _ positively _ ridiculous.” he continued, smiling.

“In other news, Maria at Dark Owl Records recently gave me this envelope!” John glanced at Eliza, who looked starstruck. “On the envelope, it says in flowery writing- Maria dots her ‘I’s’ with hearts, listeners- it says,  _ ‘John, please give this letter to Eliza Schuyler _ ’.” John half-bowed at Eliza. “And so I will.”

Eliza rolled her eyes and tapped the glass, mouthing  _ ‘barrier’ _ while looking more in love than the station management.

John nodded to himself. “Later.

“To talk about myself a bit, listeners, I’ve received another letter from Alexander!” John said, tearing open the envelope. “ _ Dear John _ ,” he read aloud, “ _ I’ve learned so much in this otherworld. Did you know that Burr is annoying?”  _ John paused. “ _ Yeah, he is. And you would love the masked warriors- they’re cool, if a little bloodthirsty. Lafayette is their leader and he's been writing letters to someone in Night Vale as well. And you would not believe the scenery. Angelica came into town on a diplomatic mission a few days ago- she’s staying with me. _

“ _ Ooh! And I found a way to get back to Night Vale-” _ here something was crossed out, “ _ -But I don’t think I’m ready to come back yet-” _ John cut off and scanned the rest of the letter.  _ No. No, no no. God no.  _ “Uh, listeners- let’s go to the weather,” he said slowly, staring at Alex’s signature at the bottom of the page.  _ A. Ham _ . John pressed play, then stood up. 

Eliza ran into the room. “Are you okay? What did he do?”

“He’s not coming back, ‘Liza,” John said quietly. “He’s found a better Night Vale.”

Eliza looked sadly at him for a moment, then stood up. “Like hell he has.” she declared, then looked down at John. “Burn his letters.” she lectured.

John frowned. “What?”

She shrugged. “That’s what I did after my ex  _cheated on me_.” she snarled.

John placed a hand on her shoulder, standing up. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll just rant at him. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

Eliza looked furious. “It’s not fine," she said but went back to the booth.

John raced out of the building.  _ Pen. Where’s my pen? God, I hope it hasn’t been confiscated yet. _

At home he sat down at his desk- it was Alex’s desk, in all technicalities, but he wasn’t there right then, so it was fine if John used it- and pulled out his paper. 

_ Dear Alex, _

_ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT COMING BACK? _

John scratched that out.

_ Why aren’t you coming back? I miss you. Thomas and James miss you. Hell, Frances misses you, and she only met you once. We all love you- you can’t just leave us like that.  _

John knew exactly what Alex would say to that.

_ I know what you’ll say- ‘I can’t leave, the science is too important.’ I am here. You can do science here. You can live here. _

_ You- you know what? I can’t do this anymore. I love you- I probably always will. Always is a long time, but it’s true. I love you, but it’s not enough because you’re so- so. I don’t know. You never take a damned break, and now you won’t even come back to Night Vale. I can’t do this anymore- let’s… let’s take a break. Just- just for now. _

John paused.

_ Love _ ,

He scribbled that out.

_ Sincerely, _

_ Laurens _

Looking down at what he'd written, John sighed.  _ Maybe you were right. Maybe happy endings don't exist. _


	9. Chapter 9

The next day, during his morning broadcast, John will stop mid-sentence. “Listeners, I need to write something down quickly.” he will rush. “I’ll be back in a few seconds. In the meantime, let’s go to a prerecorded advertisement.”

John will scribble three words onto a post-it note- the cute ones with tiny fire-breathing cats on the sides- fold it into an origami turtle and hand it to Eliza, saying to give it to the not-angels, and tell them it’s from John the radio host.

 

The next day, three hours after John gives Eliza the note, one of the winged beings will run into the station. They will introduce themselves as Theodosia and will place a heavenly hand on John’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you.” they will say softly, “But Alexander Hamilton died in a duel two hours ago.”

Johns eyes will unfocus.

 

The day after the next day, exactly twenty-five hours after the angel- John won’t care about the laws anymore- after the angel came into the station, John will race into the house Alex has -had- been staying at the desert otherworld- John won’t call it Alex’s home, Alex’s home is - was-  with John.

Alex’s house will be clean- like Alex- except for a desk pushed against the wall. The desk will have four things on it. Alex’s journal- John teases- used to tease- Alex about having a diary-, a piece of loose-leaf paper, filled with Alex’s handwriting, a pen- Alex’s favorite, one with tiny drawings of beakers on the sides- and the letter John wrote the day before. The letter will still be folded- Alex won’t have read it before he died. 

John will see the still-folded letter and he will collapse on the bed.  _ Alex’s bed _ . He will think.  _ Not anymore.  _ He will remember. 

_ He didn’t know I still loved his when he died.  _ John will think sadly.  _ He didn’t get to read the letter. _

John will run out of the house. His eyes will be noticeably wet- but no one will comment.

He won’t go back in.

_ I know happy endings don't exist, but damn if I didn't want one. _

 

Five days after the next day, Eliza will walk tentatively into the house-  _ Alex’s house, _ she will think. The thought will seem alien. Whenever she had referenced Alex’s house, it was back when it was John-and-Alex’s house.

Eliza will unfold the turtle, wondering what the little thing she had been told to bring to the not angel was. 

The post-it note will have three words on it, framed with cute fire-breathing kittens.

_ I Love You,  _ the post-it note will say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i have another chapter for this- kind of an epilogue... should i add it?


	10. Epilogue

_ Eliza will pick up that small piece of loose-leaf paper on Alex’s desk- the one that John was too upset to look at- and read it slowly. She’ll read every line twice, thinking, ‘this was Alex. This was the last thing that Alexander the scientist wrote.’ And she’ll be right. The letter will say,  _

_ My dear John Laurens,  _

Five days after Alex’s death, John will start thinking about time in terms of Alex’s death. That morning, he’ll think, ‘Five days since since Alex’s death.’

_ I love you. _

_ I’ve loved you since I saw you that first day- remember that day? I was talking to the town- Night Vale is still the most scientifically fascinating town I’ve seen- about science and stuff- I didn’t even look at the clock before that. (I know now that that clock doesn’t work. Time doesn’t. Work, that is. Not in Night Vale.)  _

A month after Alex’s death, John will go back to the station for work. Eliza will bring him cookies that her sister made for him. He’ll take the cookies, but forget to eat them.

_ Everyone left, and you ran up to me, looking out of breath- you were still wearing your headphones- you must have jerked them out of the jack when you left the station, and looked so excited to see me. I, of course, couldn’t handle anything- god, I’m awkward- and said that I was busy. Jefferson and Madison were happy to have me at the lab that night, but I wish I could have spent it with you.  _

Three months after Alex’s death, John will try spending time with James and Thomas. It doesn’t work well- the only thing they will have in common will be Alex, and they had very different relationships with him.

_ Then, a month later, you asked me out again- or, rather, your sister(?) did for you, I said yes this time, and we went to dinner. _

Three months and ten days after Alex’s death, John and James and Thomas will part ways. James and Thomas will leave town with their science. Later in his life, John will vaguely hear that they got married.

_ Then I left. I always cringe when I think about this part, John. I had no manners. I left and was going to run off, but stopped. I’m still not sure why I stopped, John. I’m glad I did.  _

Four months after Alex’s death, John will stop caring. No one will notice for two weeks and five days.

_ Did I ever tell you what happened to my mother? _

Four months and nineteen days after Alex’s death, Eliza and Bellamy and the tall beings that Bellamy calls angels will have tea and talk about John. 

“I’m worried about John.” Eliza will say, in a hushed voice.

“I am too.” Bellamy will respond.

“We have to talk to him.” Eliza will urge.

The not-angels will nudge each other and make affirming sounds. 

Bellamy will agree to talk to John.

_ I don’t think I did, John. She died. When I was eleven. She was married for a few years before I was born, but she didn’t love her husband. She didn’t get a happy ending.  _

Four months and twenty days after Alex’s death, Bellamy will walk up to John. 

“Eliza and I are worried about you.” He will say.

John won’t say anything.

“I want you to live with me for a few weeks.” Bellamy will continue.

John still won’t respond.

_ Did I get a happy ending? I’ve been thinking about that. I don’t think so. Burr’s going to shoot me- I don’t think that being murdered is a happy ending. But I got a happy middle, and that’s good enough for me.  _

_ I never expected to get a happy ending, anyway. _

Four months and twenty days after Alex’s death, John will move in with Bellamy and the angels.

_ I like to think that there’s a different universe- one where I- we get a happy ending. One where we live in New York and have three cats and I work at a law firm and you work at the local radio station and have two kids and are happy. One where I won’t die. _

One year after Alex’s death, John will start dating Martha Manning. Everyone will be surprised, but no one will be. 

John won’t really like Martha. He doesn’t like girls that way, but it will make Martha happy. ‘At least she will have a happy ending’, he will think bitterly one evening. 

_ I want you to have a happy ending, John.  _

Two years after Alex’s death, John and Martha will break up. Everyone will be surprised, but no one will be. John won’t care. 

‘I miss you, Alex.’ he will think. ‘I wish we could have had a happy ending together.’

_ I wish we could have had a happy ending together. _

“I loved you” John will say aloud to Alex. But Alex won’t be there.

_ I love you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and... that's it!
> 
> come scream at me on tumblr @the-stars-say-gay


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